I have had several misconceptions in the past that I look back on now and cannot believe I even spoke on things I didn’t understand.  Here are some examples, and the lessons I’ve learned:

• Abortion: As a teenager all the way through my late 30s I was adamantly anti-abortion.  It was a hill I was willing to die on.  I believed most abortions were used as a type of birth control, and I didn’t believe “murder” should be a legal thing to do.  I believed if women didn’t want to get pregnant, they shouldn’t have unprotected (or under-protected) sex. Period. No, this wasn’t from any fundamental Christian root, or republican influence.  It was just my personal belief.  

Holy shit was I ignorant! I never knew about or even considered all of the awful developmental and/or chromosomal abnormalities that can occur during pregnancy, conditions, diseases, maternal illness, tubal pregnancies, etc.  There are multitudes of medical or scientific reasons why abortion should not be made illegal. There are also instances of rape, statutory rape (like I’ve endured), incest, birth control failure, and personal choice.  ALL of those reasons are valid for abortion. I understand how much of a difficult and personal choice it is to decide to terminated a pregnancy. That is definitely one point where I should have kept my mouth shut.  I never had an abortion because I didn’t believe in it.  But my choices do not, and should not, dictate anyone else’s choice. A woman should be able to do what she feels is right with her own body. Her body, her choice.

• ALL Lives Matter: I had no understanding of this.  I saw online posts of “Black Lives Matter” and I heard people chanting it, or wearing apparel with those words.  And I couldn’t wrap my head around why black people were being focused on, when all lives are important.  Black lives, white lives, ALL lives.

Don’t worry folks, I get it now.  Black Lives Matter is important because POC have been abused, dismissed, thought of as less than, and all around treated as the dregs of society for centuries.  I realize now I was speaking from white privilege, and I didn’t know better. Being white, raised in predominantly white towns, with very little diversity exposure in my life made me extremely ignorant. I am not using any of that as an excuse to say my viewpoint was acceptable.  It wasn’t acceptable.  I’ve learned better, and I continue to keep my eyes open and learn. 

• Disabled People: I’m ashamed to say this, but I didn’t see value in those who were significantly intellectually or physically disabled, especially from congenital causes. I grew up in a community where in elementary school there were quite a few children in the “special ed room” and many of them couldn’t speak, or were in wheelchairs.  I didn’t understand why they would be in school, or how anyone could live that way.  I didn’t see their worth. I was intimidated, or scared, and certainly intolerant.

Now I have a child with significant special needs.  He’s not in a wheelchair.  But he’s intellectually disabled.  He drools, he’s non-verbal, he didn’t walk until 3 1/2, he can’t feed himself and doesn’t chew his food, he’s still fully in diapers, he has developed a seizure disorder, he has no sense of danger vs. safety whatsoever, and he will likely be dependent his entire life.  His issues are a chromosomal abnormality.  Does he have value in this life? Absolutely, 100% YES! He is the love of my life! Every person, no matter their abilities, is worthy of love and the best quality of life they can achieve. They deserve to be treated with compassion, patience, and dignity. And now when I see those beautiful special needs children and adults in public, I have a lot more compassion and love in my heart toward them all.

• Addiction: Even though I grew up with lots of exposure to drug and alcohol addiction, sex and love addiction, and an addiction of sorts to abuse… I had no tolerance for it.  This was not something I spoke on often, because I knew my opinions were not popular. I believed addiction was a choice, and people could stop and walk away from it any time they chose. It was a matter of willpower. I believed addicts to be weak. 

Of course I know better than all of that now. First of all, who the hell am I to judge anyone’s life choices? I didn’t fall victim to addiction, but I’ve made more than my share of mistakes in life. Also, I understand how trauma, drugs, alcohol, and genetics can change your brain chemistry, making it next to impossible to stop whatever addiction you’re dealing with. There are so many reasons people succumb to addiction. And there are so many more detrimental addictions than just drugs or alcohol. It’s complicated and unique per person. 

I sincerely and deeply apologize to anyone I have offended with my incorrect views on life throughout the years. I know there have been arguments and lost friends over some of this stuff. I’m sure I have many more lessons to learn in my days, and will continue to own up to things like these.