“How are you doing?” A simple honest question. And I’m sure, by now, people expect me to say I’m doing okay. Or that I’m good. Or that I’m moving on with my life.

But you want to know the truth? I’m not okay. Life is moving on, but I feel like I’m just stuck in one place. I have had so many people reach out to me, and I am so grateful for everyone’s concern and help! But I am still not okay. I’m putting on a brave face for my boys since they need that from me. But behind that brave face, my closest friends and family know its still as fresh as it was 2 months ago. Some days I am still in disbelief. Some days I miss him so much I don’t feel like I can go on. But most of my days are numb, which I actually prefer at this point in time.

A lot of my actions have been careless, and perhaps I haven’t been as respectful or “behaved” as is expected of me… but excuse me, for I have never walked in these shoes before and I have NO IDEA what I am supposed to feel or do. I’m blinded by my circumstance, and I have yet to see again.