Back in October I was able to find a roof through a friend of a friend. We are now staying in the home of a guy named Chris. He had a spare bedroom, so the boys and I were able to take it until we get on our feet again. That way we can all be together again, and they don’t have to stay in foster care. I haven’t posted any updates because I haven’t had a way to do so with all of our stuff, including my computer, in storage.

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Christmas was a success! Andy got Pokemon figures and cards, a microscope set, legos, a new Nintendo DS, dinosaurs, jammies, and a few other things…. he can’t pick a favorite, he says he loves it all! Evan got a pound puppy, WWE figures, legos, dinosaurs, jeans, jammies, Screacher, play-doh, and a few other things. He likes his Screacher the best. Cory got Mr. Potato Head, Woody and Buzz Lightyear, dinosaurs, legos, jammies and a few other things. He likes his Buzz Lightyear the best. They also all got coloring books, legos, and Nerf dart guns. :-)

I got my gift – a new, FREE Blackberry through US Cellular (during their free phone promotion). But the reason the boys got the gifts they did is because Chris was generous enough to help me out with gifts for the kiddos, and that was the best gift of all, to me. The boys got just about everything they asked for. The looks on their faces when they opened up each of their gifts (even the batteries LOL) was just priceless! I feel so blessed that this Christmas was a good one.

(I believe all photos taken were on film cameras, and I have no digital records of them)

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Yesterday, once or twice, I talked to Jason. When I talk to him, I always tell him how much I love him, how sorry I am, and how much I can’t wait to see him again.

I also talked to Mark about Jason. Mark is endlessly patient and understanding. I told him how much it hurts that my flawed human mind seems to be holding onto the wrong things. The important, happy memories feel blurry and hard to reach, and that’s incredibly frustrating. I can’t remember Jason’s voice. I can’t remember the first time we made love.

But I can remember the bad moments. I remember the big fight we had outside the bowling alley and in my garage at the trailer. I remember exactly what he looked like when the paramedics carried him out of our apartment on the stretcher.

I don’t understand why the painful memories stand out so sharply while the good ones slip away. I want to remember the love, the laughter, the warmth. I want to hold onto the good parts—but they feel like they’re fading faster than the rest.

This is a true account written in my own words during the time it happened. I’ve lightly edited it for clarity in the present day (2026), with minimal exclusions, while keeping the original voice and meaning intact.